Naturally this has resulted in global panic as the USA tends to have a reputation for landing in uncharted territory and then screwing it up wholesale. A short United Nations statement put up on the notice board in their New York headquarters reads, "The USA are taking the rap for this one. The moon is not our jurisdiction. Back after lunch.”. The ramifications of a shrinking moon has global implications with several stakeholders now closely monitoring the situation.
The Russians have brushed off any concerns stating that they never believed the Americans got to the moon before them anyway. The Conspiracy Union of Lunar Theorists have similarly stated that the moon landing in the first place was a glorified movie with Ronald Reagan playing the lead role, and secondly, the moon is really created by trick photography and made of cheese.
Neil Armstrong's continuous avoidance of the global media with respect to the moon landing has further supported the claim of the CULT members. Armstrong was last seen in 1979 during an ad-break in a Buck Rogers episode buying several packets of salted biscuits and a cheese knife from a local delicatessen.
Roger Waters, erstwhile leader of Pink Floyd, the progressive rock band credited with first discovering the dark side of the moon in 1976, denied any involvement stating, “Just piss off, you don't understand anything about the moon, it's only figurative, and like Swiss cheese it's really all about the holes. For that, you're all fired and I want the rights to the flying pig!”
Further developments have seen Dutch and French cheese cartels implicated in illegal cheese mining, which internal sources believe may be contributing to the decline of the circumference of the moon. The French quarter has vehemently denied any involvement, adding that there is no evidence of smelly cheeses anywhere on the moon. Neither US or Japanese moon missions have reported any foul smells other than Jim Lovell's jettisoned underpants from the Apollo 13 problem.
The global effect of the Smithsonian findings came to light out a South African Rugby news conference ahead of the test match against France. In a surprise outburst, legendary player Cheese Van Tonder stated “The bladdy game has gone soft. In my day it was only hard Cheese or go home. In-fact, since July 1969 our rugby players might as well be playing on the bladdy moon!” France captain Feta Fromage refused to comment on Van Tonder's outburst.
This crackdown has also claimed it's innocents according to reports. Prominent international DJ Timo Maas was arrested at Schipol airport in a case of mistaken identity. Having to unpack his entire record bag and play the contents to customs officials, an impromptu rave in baggage reclaim had to be broken up by Dutch security forces. No cheese of any nature was found on Maas and he was freed without charge. Airport officials apologised stating that although the "techno music was lekker”, Maas' name was unfortunately flagged as that of the Dutch Maaslander Gouda dynasty.
International investigators have also taken in Wallace and Gromit for questioning following their Grand Day Out to the moon in 1989. It is however now revealed that although their moon mission was authentic, no actual cheese was removed from the lunar surface, with plasticine cheese stunt doubles used in all cases.
Scientists at the Smithsonian have urged calm until all data on this situation is collected and processed. “Governments and the general public need not be too concerned about rising tides and the expected lunar influences”.
In a statement on the Smithsonian website, the general public are however advised to “lock their animals away, hang garlic on the doors and windows and lock cemetery gates firmly.” A contingency plan has similarly been sent to the Birmingham City Council outlining proposals for a beach-front esplanade and “Monte Carlo styled” yacht basin.
http://smithsonianscience.org/2010/08/smithsonian-scientist-discovers-moon-is-shrinking/
Is not!
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